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08.11.2013 at 12:00 am
Cuttings

Red Riding Hood's Examination-in-Chief

Trip to grandma's, and the encounter with the Big Bad Wolf.

Q: Directing your attention to October 12, the kitchen of your home at about 10:00 am, please tell the jury what happened.

A: My mother gave me a basket of goodies and asked me to take them to my grandmother’s house in the woods. I put on my red riding cape with the hood, and set out for grandma’s house.

Q: What happened next?

A: I walked through the woods, taking a shortcut. Along the way I met Mr. Wolf. He asked me some questions about what was in the basket, and I showed him. He looked very hungry.

Q: What happened next?

A: Mr. Wolf went on his way. I walked another fifteen minutes, and then got to grandma’s house. I knocked and a voice said to “Come in.”

Q: What did the voice sound like?

A: Very scratchy. It didn’t sound like grandma at all, but I figured maybe she had a bad cold.

Q: What happened next?

A: I entered the house. It was very dark. I tried turning on a light switch, but the lights didn’t work. I went over to grandma’s bed. She looked real bad — she had big eyes, big dog-like ears, and lots of sharp teeth. Or at least that’s the way it looked in the dark.

Q: Did you question her about this?

A: Yes. I said, “What big eyes you have.” She answered, “The better to see you with, my dear.” Then I said, “What big ears you have.” She answered, “The better to hear you with, my dear.” I was getting nervous, because she didn’t sound at all like herself. Then I said, “What big teeth you have. New dentures?”

Q: What happened then?

A: The person in the bed jumped up and grabbed me. It was Mr. Wolf wearing grandma’s nightgown. He sneered and said, “The better to eat you with, my dear.” I screamed for help.

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